“Better”

“There is a place that’s in between, It’s hard to find and rarely seen But if you work and search it’s there, you only find it through self-care For some that includes therapy, for others it means meals times three For some it means ten pills a day, we do self-care in many ways I know it’s isn’t always fun, But it’s a task that must be done To stay here and to really live, remember the alternative Remember self-destructive nights, Terror and internal fights Dissolving into fits of panic, acting out when things turned manic Diving into dark depression, Binge and purge in quick succession Starving to make up for it, Cut to make it all just quit Round and round and round it went, never pausing to relent Revisit what this felt like so, you’ll have the good sense to let go To keep on caring for yourself, to keep on trying and getting help And knowing that there is always hope, and support out there to help you cope

you were wrong

You were sneaky and took what you wanted. i was no one to you……an object. You thought it didn’t matter because i was just a quiet, good, little girl. But You were wrong. You hid what you could be to others around me. You showed me your side you carefully hid. You touched me where you were never supposed to. You stole something precious from me i have badly needed! You cared only for you own pleasure that morning At such an unexpected opportunity for yourself. You thought it didn’t matter because i was just a quiet, good, little girl. But You were wrong. You scared me with your mean and silencing looks, You may have thought that i would always be the quiet, good, and scared, little girl Who would never tell a soul, who would just forget. Well listen to me , You were wrong. i am no longer a little girl. i am no longer as quiet. i am no longer as silent, although i only whisper, I will never scream i am no longer your slave. your toy. i am no longer your puppet on a string. i am no longer frozen inside an ice of pain. i am no longer alone. You thought i didn’t matter You were wrong. You are dead now, lucky you!, and i am alive, painfully alive And living with the emptiness and despair you heaped upon me. You thought i didn’t matter because i was just a quiet, good, and scared, little girl. But you stole everything within from me, i didn’t give of me to you. You slashed my soul and ripped my heart and spirit. You altered my life course and shattered what trust i had left. You tore from me my child’s innocence as if it were nothing. You stripped me of belief i was Worth loving, Worth knowing, Worth defending, Worth having, Worth receiving help Worth hearing Worth being heard, Worth even living.You shocked me with a knowing i should not have yet known. In your self-gratification, you handed me a lifetime of ......... Shame, Guilt, Depression, Mistrust, Fear, Sadness, Loneliness, Despair. You thought i didn’t matter because i was just a good, quiet, scared, obedient, withdrawn, lonely, little girl. You thought i would never be strong enough to speak because i was just a good, quiet, scared, obedient, withdrawn, lonely, little girl. You were wrong. i may only whisper now and i may still cower and run in fear. But my voice will get stronger though i do not know how And i will somehow take my life back and be free of you. Someday i will not just be a good, quiet, scared, obedient, withdrawn, lonely, little girl. Somehow, someday, even me, i, this self within, will know and truly believe that You were wrong. And it wasn't my fault..

mamma listen

I sit and wait for you to be there Sometimes I wonder if you even care? I sit and I cry waiting for the end All you do is sit there and pretend That I'm not there and the depression Isn't real; You lie to yourself You lie to me; As I sit in a corner And weep and weep; It's to hard to swallow To hard to breath The mask is coming undone Revealing the pain; revealing the sorrow I sit and yell, I feel so alone You yell and you scream I feel like a pathetic waste, Lost in a sea of lies I feel like this depression Will never die Can somebody help? Will anybody help me escape? I'm begging now, just for a out I scream your name, but your not there Finally, I realize you just don't care Mamma will you listen...

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Heroin

Dear kristanna
"I destroy homes, tear families apart, take your children & that's just the start. Im more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold, the sorrow i bring is a sight to behold & if u need me, remember im easily found. I live all around you, in schools & in towns. I live with in the rich, i live with in the poor, I live down the street, & maybe even next door. My power is awesome; try me you'll see, But if you do, you may never break free. Just try me once and i might let you go, but try me twice, and ill own your soul. When i possess you, youll steal & you'll lie You do what you have to just to get high. The crimes you'll commit for my narcotic charms Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in my arms. You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad When you see their tears, you should feel sad.. But you'll forget your morals & how you were rasied, I'll be your conscience, i'll teach you my ways. I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from God, & separate from friends. I'll take everything from you, your looks & your pride, I'll be with you always, right by your side. You'll give up everything-your family, your home, Your friends, your money, then you'll be alone. I'll take & take, till you have nothing more to give, When im finished with you, you'll be lucky to live. If you try me be warned-this is no game, If givin the chance, i'll drive you insane, I'll ravish your body; i'll control your mind, I'll own you completely; your soul will be mine. The nightmares i'll give you while lying in bed, The voices you'll hear from inside your head, The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see; I want you to know, these are all gifts from me, But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart, That you are mine, and we shall not part, You'll regret that you tried me, they always do, But you came to me, not i to you. You knew this would happen, Many times you were told, But you challenged my power & chose to be bold You could have said no, and just walked away, If you could live that day over, now what would you say? I'll be your master; you will be my slave, I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave, Its all up to you. I can bring you more misery than words can tell, Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell"
- Heroin

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Haha yeahhh!